Nate’s Take: Trials and Tribulations

20160505_091352.jpgI feel as though I need to contribute to the blog postings just so everyone can see my point of view as well…I’ll start off with the 7-day drive from Austin TX to Haines AK.
I would like to thank google maps and Siri for their wealth of knowledge on American and Canadian backroads….with their help, we shaved off 32 minutes, but it left us on very confusing, desolate roads with no gas stations, no radio stations…hats off! My advice: stay on the Interstates!
 When driving through and staying in these small backwoods communities, you probably don’t have to worry about your possessions being tampered with, but I have always been a firm believer of “better safe then sorry”. Not only was it a feat of magnitude to even find a parking spot for a 28ft truck with a 12 foot trailer, but using it as a shield to block in the Toyota truck and boat was even trickier. “Better be safe then sorry” is a great idea and I had an even better idea to run a huge chain through my trailer tire rim on the boat and around fender wheel well. I thought, this will surely stop anyone from stealing my boat. The trick to this maneuver is to not forget the chain is on there in the morning. Not only will this stop any would-be thief, but it will stop you in your tracks and rip off your fender at the same time, which is what happened. Nothing a little coon-ass ingenuity and duct tape can’t handle. There’s only one house in these small towns, which looks like the house from the Texas chainsaw massacre. You should be more worried about your life, then the stealing of your boat. Let’s keep trucking.
When crossing the Canadian border it’s always a good idea if you have a brother that is a Louisiana State Trooper to strategically place his business card on your center console. This way if anything should arise, like border patrol agents finding and box of 9mm shells hidden behind the seat, you can just blame him. Worked for me…thanks bro!
A few things about Canada…they put gravy and cheese whiz on everything, and you can’t find a decent glass of unsweetened tea anywhere. The radio stations love to play American hits but they have some type of claim to fame on how they made it a hit, and then the local music they play is very bazaar. Stay off the radio stations. You will be better off.
In Canada, if you happen to stumble across one these creatures that they call “rabbits” at one of your stops, DON’T RUN!..slowly back up and go the other way. These things are the size of Labradors. I don’t know if they attack but I’m not the one to reenact a scene from Monty Python. When passing through Canada, just go quick as possible. If you get pulled over for speeding, just tell them you saw a  speed limit sign that read min 100 mph. You’re from America, and how were you to know that meant kilometers?
Now the Alaskan highway. This thing was built back in the 1940’s or something and I swear they are still building it. It should really be called the Alaskan gravel road in some places…let’s just say this is where the real adventure began. Now let me tell you, with all the weight I was pulling, I might have only been going up those mountains at 35mph, but when I was coming down, I thought I might get thrown back in time I was moving so fast. No one in their right mind would ever have ridden with me through those mountains. My ass cheeks where so sore from clinching them and I could not stop making a fist with my hands from grabbing the steering wheel so tight when I would stop to rest. Now Uhaul’s, advertisement on the side of the truck said “hauls like a truck, but rides like a van”…bullshit!…I felt as though I was on the Texas Cyclone at Astroworld for 7 days. Jennifer said when we would stop at night no one would mess with us because I looked so crazy. My head wouldn’t stop moving like a bobble head doll, walking around with 2 clinched fist, and squeezed ass cheeks, and delirious from lack of sleep. It was quite the adventure
They say these long road trips bring you closer to God, because of all the time to reflect on life. I think they bring you closer to God because you’re constantly praying to not run out of gas in the middle of nowhere. Or because you’re constantly praying that your brakes don’t go out when flying down the mountain. Either way, we are truly blessed…God got us to it and brought us through it, but that will be the last time I ever make that drive.

6 thoughts on “Nate’s Take: Trials and Tribulations

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